Puddles

The puddle analogy might be around for a while...I really like it. Today we had court (for CASA) and last night it snowed but then this morning it was warm(ish). So I was wearing heels, and had to park three blocks from the office, which meant walking through super cold puddles in nice heels.

Then at the end of the day, I had to walk through more muddy puddles. After CASA, I had to visit a past muddy puddle (latest ex boyfriend) and really saw him as the puddle that he was. Still a great guy, but not what Jesus wants for me.

Two days in one

I'm already a day behind...shoot. This is a reflection of what my prayer life looks like, not something I confess easily. That's a huge conviction of mine and a big goal...to have a more consistent prayer-life.

Yesterday, I decided to take the day off from pretty much everything. I was feeling WAY burnt out. I was able to make breakfast- oatmeal with frozen fruit in it- and eat it slowly. This is something simple, but I haven't really been allowing myself the simple things. Then I watched a weekend message from Cornerstone and went to Milo for quiet time by the fire. I read the small prophet books and it really showed me the power and fierceness of God. I have been making Him a fuzzy puppy, but reading about the wrath He is capable of has given me even more appreciation for Jesus. The grace that God has given me is so unbelievable! Then I was able to have a conversation with the guy I have been crushing on and the Holy Spirit revealed that I'm wasting my mind energy. I'm pretty sure this is from the retreat and Paul Sabino but I heard the analogy that Jesus is leading us up a mountain and although it's difficult we need to have faith in Jesus and trust Him. But, because we are weak humans, we lose some faith and trust and complain and get discontent and thirsty. So then we drink and play in dirty trashy puddles, while Jesus is telling us that He has clear, beautiful mountain water at the top. I realized that my past relationships and this crush are just gross, trashy puddles and Jesus desires more for me. I'm most certain that I will jump into some other muddy puddle of sorts but for now, when dealing with boy relationships, I'm going to look forward for the beautiful clear water Jesus has for me.

JUST found out- I got 50 out of 50 on my final paper for women's studies- this class was the only thing between me and graduation, and I'm pretty sure this means that I passed it. Yeah!!

Today was mostly routine, hung out with Augie, had a great time loving on him and making him goofy. Then I went to dinner with a friend who I have looked up to since I met her. She told me about a specific sin she has fallen to and it pretty much resembled my relationship with Josh and Elliot. I was so glad that I could be there to listen and also tell her my experiences and that she needed to walk away from that relationship. To be obedient to God and not be unequally yoked...I can't believe how much God has worked in my heart to get me to that point. Where I can distinctly see that sin is sin and not accept excuses that I may have given in the past. I'm by no means perfect but it's awesome to know that God is using me and my experiences!

No picture for today......but I'll give a mental one: right now I'm wearing a blue snuggie and watching Twilight with my roommates.

Angry

I am angry with Satan. I don't think I've ever really felt anger towards him, I've just always known that he was bad. But today I'm angry- I realized that my mood and apathy and regret last night were straight from him. I was feeling so confident in Jesus and who I am in His eyes, and focusing on what Paul Sabino said- that God is excited to pursue me EVERY DAY! Every minute, God wants to love and pursue me. And then all of a sudden I'm doubting and being angry. This morning I realized that this was straight from Satan- he doesn't want me to get close to God so he targeted my weaknesses. And that makes me angry. Stupid Satan.

Speaking of stupid Satan (SS), The Holy Spirit has really been showing me what chains I've put on myself with the help of SS. I've put chains on what I am allowed to wear, what looks okay with me, chains on what I deserve or shouldn't have or do- like take a nice long hot shower every once in a while. It's been difficult....dealing with self-doubt and esteem issues is no fun but I'm breaking chains. I'm wearing jeggings and skinny jeans and trying to feel confident in them. I like how they look on other people- so why can't I wear them? I can!

So SS, you listen here. Jesus is breaking the chain.

Blagh.

The reason for the no-picture-Friday was because my computer crashed. Big Boo. So today will have two. Tomorrow will have better explanations.

Friday's picture:

Saturday was Augie's birthday, so on Friday he helped make his cupcakes...however since he coughed and sneezed and stuck his fingers in all of them, they were thrown away.

Saturday's picture:

This is kind of a reflection of my mood and mindset lately thinking about graduation and the feeling of lack of true friends. I want friends that I can laugh with AND have talks about my spiritual walk who will hold me accountable...right now I feel like I have one or the other.

All Glory to God

I went to Wildwood tonight for a volunteer appreciation dinner and the entire way there and back I couldn't stop thinking about all that God has divinely lined up for me in my life. I can't even begin to put my awe into words, and the two times that I've tried I've just ended up rambling and screaming (out of excitement.) It's kind of frustrating that I can't share this feeling with others, but I'm also thinking it's pretty sweet that God and I get to have this moment together.

Tomorrow, at 2:30, I have part two of my interview process with Rawhide. Oh boy. This is all happening so quickly! Probably a good thing- God knows I get ulcers.

All of this caffeine and God-excitement is making it even MORE difficult to write my paper for feminist class that I haven't really done much for the entire semester anyway. Poop.

Picture for the day:

Obviously it's not from today, it's from a Wildwood Bounce back I went to in Dec. but this ranch has shaped me so much that I feel it's appropriate.

P.S. If you're reading this (and probably unfortunately being in my head along with me) please find time for us to hang out. I'm feeling disconnected from people.

Excitement!!

Today I had my phone interview with Rawhide, step 1 of 3 of the application process. They seem to have a really good vibe about me, and even slipped up in accidentally calling me a staff, rather than a candidate (!!!!) So now that I've sent in the 14 pages of paperwork I had to fill out, (and learned how to use a fax machine in the process) I will now have a conference call with ALL of the board members for another interview. That part is a little more intimidating, but today I felt very prepared (by God's glory only) and spoke without thinking (also God's glory that I didn't destroy it.) I simply feel confident that God has prepared me so well for this position and I'm so excited to be a part of what Rawhide does.

I've always realized recently that I need to do better at being relational and staying in touch with people that are important to me. I know that my schedule is crazy but I can't be selfish....I need to be able to have the ability to balance work and friends because without my friends I don't have that fellowship to help me grow. I'm becoming rather secluded to the people I work with, which include Steve from CASA and a two year old. But how much sleep do I sacrifice? Or what else do I need to sacrifice that I'm just using to fill time that I could be using engaging with people? Something for me to ponder on for sure.

Today's picture:

The sunset that I saw driving home from CASA. After a slightly long day, I was driving home and saw this amazingness. The reality was more pink than the color shows but I had to drive all the way to the end of town onto a gravel road, but it was a great end to a day filled with joy and God's glory. I'm definitely learning that the more I open my eyes to God and the more I delve into His word the more He's exposing Himself to me- excitement just seems to be overflowing in my heart all the time!

Beautiful Tuesday

Tuesday's are pretty much my favorite day of this semester. I work with Augie from 8-5 and then the rest of the night is mine! I try to spend it relaxing, cooking or catching up on errands, but I mostly try to cut off communication from the world. This is the first time in my collegiate career that I've intentionally set apart an evening for rest and myself- it's a pretty big deal.

Today, it was about 50 degrees and there's no snow, so Augie and I went to Ledges State Park and he loved it! He loves to be outdoors and is such a sponge of information, it's so cool to watch him experience things for the first time. It makes me excited to be a mom and have these moments over and over again (in the future!) We spent almost two hours walking, running, crunching leaves and snow, and throwing sticks and rocks in the water and watching them rush away. He was astonished by all of this and it makes me realize how much we take for granted- all of this is God's beautiful creation- we should constantly be awed! The picture of the day of course comes from my time with Augie:

I caught him mid-throw of a rock

Okay...I couldn't put just one! Here he's in simple awe of the combination of water and ice creating a 'tunnel' for the sticks to go under

Last night at our Beth study she was talking about when Jesus spoke to the disciples He took them up to the mountain, He brought them to a different place than their surroundings. When Jesus showed some of his divinity with Moses and Elijah (Luke 9) Peter desperately wanted to make a shelter on the mountain and stay there, it was perfect and comfortable! But Jesus (and a cloud of God) said that that's not enough, that they needed to return to the valley. I almost had to laugh when she said that because I realized that Ames has been my mountain. Overall, things are comfortable and God has shown and taught me more than I could imagine and of course I want to stay here, but I need to return to the valley of Clintonville and bring all that He's equipped me with where it's needed.

The past few weeks have just been so incredibly exciting because I feel that it has been drenched in God's glory.....now I need to work on letting that overflow in my interactions with others. I definitely struggle with confidence in evangelism (ugh. stupid struggles.)

Until tomorrow, happy Tuesday!