True Story

Yesterday I took Augie to Ledges State Park with the intention of walking in the river. Before we left the house, I talked to him about this and he was very excited to walk in water! He didn't fully understand what fun was going to be had, but past experience has taught him to trust that I have fun in store for him. So, we were walking down the winding hills and I knew exactly where we're going and Augie was following. We were less than 20 feet from the river destination and all of a sudden Augie got distracted by a pile of sand. All he wanted to do was play in that measly pile of sand even though I kept reminding him about the super-fun upcoming river and I had a better plan than the sand. Eventually I was able to persuade him to start walking my way but instead of taking the paved path he wanted to walk through the grass that was taller than him. Augie ended up tripping and falling over sticks and having difficulty seeing me. We finally go to the river and he loved it! At first, while walking through the river he was having no problems staying on his feet and figuring out where the rocks were and where to step. Then it started getting deeper and rockier and Aug instinctively reached up for my hand that is always ready for him. At some parts I was there as a simple comfort- that he'll be okay- other places he was completely dependent on me to stand. When we were leaving he was so tired and physically exhausted there was no way that he could make it back up the winding hills. I picked him up and carried him through the winding hills, carrying his toy turtle, toy boat and sippy cup. Though carrying Augie was a little difficult for me, I realized that none of our trip was impossible for me. I've done it many times on my own and with others. But for Augie, without me he would have had no guidance, support or strength to figure it all out.

Thank you God for showing me how much I am like Augie in Ledges Park. Thank you God that I have Jesus there to show me the way, to wait patiently as I walk through long grass stubbornly. Thank you Jesus that you are there to hold my hand, hold me up or carry me and all of my baggage.

Two days in one

I'm already a day behind...shoot. This is a reflection of what my prayer life looks like, not something I confess easily. That's a huge conviction of mine and a big goal...to have a more consistent prayer-life.

Yesterday, I decided to take the day off from pretty much everything. I was feeling WAY burnt out. I was able to make breakfast- oatmeal with frozen fruit in it- and eat it slowly. This is something simple, but I haven't really been allowing myself the simple things. Then I watched a weekend message from Cornerstone and went to Milo for quiet time by the fire. I read the small prophet books and it really showed me the power and fierceness of God. I have been making Him a fuzzy puppy, but reading about the wrath He is capable of has given me even more appreciation for Jesus. The grace that God has given me is so unbelievable! Then I was able to have a conversation with the guy I have been crushing on and the Holy Spirit revealed that I'm wasting my mind energy. I'm pretty sure this is from the retreat and Paul Sabino but I heard the analogy that Jesus is leading us up a mountain and although it's difficult we need to have faith in Jesus and trust Him. But, because we are weak humans, we lose some faith and trust and complain and get discontent and thirsty. So then we drink and play in dirty trashy puddles, while Jesus is telling us that He has clear, beautiful mountain water at the top. I realized that my past relationships and this crush are just gross, trashy puddles and Jesus desires more for me. I'm most certain that I will jump into some other muddy puddle of sorts but for now, when dealing with boy relationships, I'm going to look forward for the beautiful clear water Jesus has for me.

JUST found out- I got 50 out of 50 on my final paper for women's studies- this class was the only thing between me and graduation, and I'm pretty sure this means that I passed it. Yeah!!

Today was mostly routine, hung out with Augie, had a great time loving on him and making him goofy. Then I went to dinner with a friend who I have looked up to since I met her. She told me about a specific sin she has fallen to and it pretty much resembled my relationship with Josh and Elliot. I was so glad that I could be there to listen and also tell her my experiences and that she needed to walk away from that relationship. To be obedient to God and not be unequally yoked...I can't believe how much God has worked in my heart to get me to that point. Where I can distinctly see that sin is sin and not accept excuses that I may have given in the past. I'm by no means perfect but it's awesome to know that God is using me and my experiences!

No picture for today......but I'll give a mental one: right now I'm wearing a blue snuggie and watching Twilight with my roommates.

Angry

I am angry with Satan. I don't think I've ever really felt anger towards him, I've just always known that he was bad. But today I'm angry- I realized that my mood and apathy and regret last night were straight from him. I was feeling so confident in Jesus and who I am in His eyes, and focusing on what Paul Sabino said- that God is excited to pursue me EVERY DAY! Every minute, God wants to love and pursue me. And then all of a sudden I'm doubting and being angry. This morning I realized that this was straight from Satan- he doesn't want me to get close to God so he targeted my weaknesses. And that makes me angry. Stupid Satan.

Speaking of stupid Satan (SS), The Holy Spirit has really been showing me what chains I've put on myself with the help of SS. I've put chains on what I am allowed to wear, what looks okay with me, chains on what I deserve or shouldn't have or do- like take a nice long hot shower every once in a while. It's been difficult....dealing with self-doubt and esteem issues is no fun but I'm breaking chains. I'm wearing jeggings and skinny jeans and trying to feel confident in them. I like how they look on other people- so why can't I wear them? I can!

So SS, you listen here. Jesus is breaking the chain.

Beautiful Tuesday

Tuesday's are pretty much my favorite day of this semester. I work with Augie from 8-5 and then the rest of the night is mine! I try to spend it relaxing, cooking or catching up on errands, but I mostly try to cut off communication from the world. This is the first time in my collegiate career that I've intentionally set apart an evening for rest and myself- it's a pretty big deal.

Today, it was about 50 degrees and there's no snow, so Augie and I went to Ledges State Park and he loved it! He loves to be outdoors and is such a sponge of information, it's so cool to watch him experience things for the first time. It makes me excited to be a mom and have these moments over and over again (in the future!) We spent almost two hours walking, running, crunching leaves and snow, and throwing sticks and rocks in the water and watching them rush away. He was astonished by all of this and it makes me realize how much we take for granted- all of this is God's beautiful creation- we should constantly be awed! The picture of the day of course comes from my time with Augie:

I caught him mid-throw of a rock

Okay...I couldn't put just one! Here he's in simple awe of the combination of water and ice creating a 'tunnel' for the sticks to go under

Last night at our Beth study she was talking about when Jesus spoke to the disciples He took them up to the mountain, He brought them to a different place than their surroundings. When Jesus showed some of his divinity with Moses and Elijah (Luke 9) Peter desperately wanted to make a shelter on the mountain and stay there, it was perfect and comfortable! But Jesus (and a cloud of God) said that that's not enough, that they needed to return to the valley. I almost had to laugh when she said that because I realized that Ames has been my mountain. Overall, things are comfortable and God has shown and taught me more than I could imagine and of course I want to stay here, but I need to return to the valley of Clintonville and bring all that He's equipped me with where it's needed.

The past few weeks have just been so incredibly exciting because I feel that it has been drenched in God's glory.....now I need to work on letting that overflow in my interactions with others. I definitely struggle with confidence in evangelism (ugh. stupid struggles.)

Until tomorrow, happy Tuesday!