Road Rage

On my way home from work I got flipped off. This was the first time I've ever gotten flipped off, and I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was following behind them with a safe distance in between us and not making funny faces. When this person flipped me off their face was so angry, and I just don't understand why you would exert so much energy into being angry toward a person you'll probably never see again.




This was the sunset Julia and I saw when walking together. I'm so grateful that God gave me this image before I had my job with Julia ended. He knows my needs so well.

Here's the deal

Here's the deal with Thursdays, and why I skipped yet another day. On Thursday nights, I stay at the Johnson's. They have a nice cozy bed and a dog that likes to snuggle (there are other reasons as to why I don't stay at my own apartment those nights but those details aren't particularly important). Downside being- they have WiFi but no idea what the password is, so I can't use my computer at their house and I generally like to blog at the end of the day. It's a poor excuse I know, but I'm going to use it.

Today is a good day. I'm wearing leggings and starting to feel more confident in the whole idea. Plus, I realized that this is the closest to not wearing pants that I can legally get (I HATE wearing pants...) so being comfortable and confident is pretty awesome. I took Augie to PlayPals (which is at the city gym, they have TONS of toys for toddlers, you pay a dollar and let them loose for two hours) today and ran into Jill Paulus who is staff at Cstone. It's interesting and slightly weird for me to see them in real life, it's like seeing a teacher outside of the classroom. But that was good because I got to know her a wee bit better and it's making me work on my relational skills because I seriously lack them. Seriously.

Then we came home and made a fort. A pretty stellar one. However, because it was so cool and awesome and I was really proud of it I kind of became a grouch towards Augie who didn't understand that ripping the blankets down ruins my hard work. But it's not about me, it's about his enjoyment...bad nanny moment.

I've decided that for lent I'm not going to give something up but I'm going to try to write my Aunt Marge a letter at least 5 times a week. She is in a nursing home, doesn't get many visitors or calls and is very lonely. I pray that I not be forgotten when I'm old.

Puddles

The puddle analogy might be around for a while...I really like it. Today we had court (for CASA) and last night it snowed but then this morning it was warm(ish). So I was wearing heels, and had to park three blocks from the office, which meant walking through super cold puddles in nice heels.

Then at the end of the day, I had to walk through more muddy puddles. After CASA, I had to visit a past muddy puddle (latest ex boyfriend) and really saw him as the puddle that he was. Still a great guy, but not what Jesus wants for me.

Two days in one

I'm already a day behind...shoot. This is a reflection of what my prayer life looks like, not something I confess easily. That's a huge conviction of mine and a big goal...to have a more consistent prayer-life.

Yesterday, I decided to take the day off from pretty much everything. I was feeling WAY burnt out. I was able to make breakfast- oatmeal with frozen fruit in it- and eat it slowly. This is something simple, but I haven't really been allowing myself the simple things. Then I watched a weekend message from Cornerstone and went to Milo for quiet time by the fire. I read the small prophet books and it really showed me the power and fierceness of God. I have been making Him a fuzzy puppy, but reading about the wrath He is capable of has given me even more appreciation for Jesus. The grace that God has given me is so unbelievable! Then I was able to have a conversation with the guy I have been crushing on and the Holy Spirit revealed that I'm wasting my mind energy. I'm pretty sure this is from the retreat and Paul Sabino but I heard the analogy that Jesus is leading us up a mountain and although it's difficult we need to have faith in Jesus and trust Him. But, because we are weak humans, we lose some faith and trust and complain and get discontent and thirsty. So then we drink and play in dirty trashy puddles, while Jesus is telling us that He has clear, beautiful mountain water at the top. I realized that my past relationships and this crush are just gross, trashy puddles and Jesus desires more for me. I'm most certain that I will jump into some other muddy puddle of sorts but for now, when dealing with boy relationships, I'm going to look forward for the beautiful clear water Jesus has for me.

JUST found out- I got 50 out of 50 on my final paper for women's studies- this class was the only thing between me and graduation, and I'm pretty sure this means that I passed it. Yeah!!

Today was mostly routine, hung out with Augie, had a great time loving on him and making him goofy. Then I went to dinner with a friend who I have looked up to since I met her. She told me about a specific sin she has fallen to and it pretty much resembled my relationship with Josh and Elliot. I was so glad that I could be there to listen and also tell her my experiences and that she needed to walk away from that relationship. To be obedient to God and not be unequally yoked...I can't believe how much God has worked in my heart to get me to that point. Where I can distinctly see that sin is sin and not accept excuses that I may have given in the past. I'm by no means perfect but it's awesome to know that God is using me and my experiences!

No picture for today......but I'll give a mental one: right now I'm wearing a blue snuggie and watching Twilight with my roommates.

Angry

I am angry with Satan. I don't think I've ever really felt anger towards him, I've just always known that he was bad. But today I'm angry- I realized that my mood and apathy and regret last night were straight from him. I was feeling so confident in Jesus and who I am in His eyes, and focusing on what Paul Sabino said- that God is excited to pursue me EVERY DAY! Every minute, God wants to love and pursue me. And then all of a sudden I'm doubting and being angry. This morning I realized that this was straight from Satan- he doesn't want me to get close to God so he targeted my weaknesses. And that makes me angry. Stupid Satan.

Speaking of stupid Satan (SS), The Holy Spirit has really been showing me what chains I've put on myself with the help of SS. I've put chains on what I am allowed to wear, what looks okay with me, chains on what I deserve or shouldn't have or do- like take a nice long hot shower every once in a while. It's been difficult....dealing with self-doubt and esteem issues is no fun but I'm breaking chains. I'm wearing jeggings and skinny jeans and trying to feel confident in them. I like how they look on other people- so why can't I wear them? I can!

So SS, you listen here. Jesus is breaking the chain.

Blagh.

The reason for the no-picture-Friday was because my computer crashed. Big Boo. So today will have two. Tomorrow will have better explanations.

Friday's picture:

Saturday was Augie's birthday, so on Friday he helped make his cupcakes...however since he coughed and sneezed and stuck his fingers in all of them, they were thrown away.

Saturday's picture:

This is kind of a reflection of my mood and mindset lately thinking about graduation and the feeling of lack of true friends. I want friends that I can laugh with AND have talks about my spiritual walk who will hold me accountable...right now I feel like I have one or the other.

All Glory to God

I went to Wildwood tonight for a volunteer appreciation dinner and the entire way there and back I couldn't stop thinking about all that God has divinely lined up for me in my life. I can't even begin to put my awe into words, and the two times that I've tried I've just ended up rambling and screaming (out of excitement.) It's kind of frustrating that I can't share this feeling with others, but I'm also thinking it's pretty sweet that God and I get to have this moment together.

Tomorrow, at 2:30, I have part two of my interview process with Rawhide. Oh boy. This is all happening so quickly! Probably a good thing- God knows I get ulcers.

All of this caffeine and God-excitement is making it even MORE difficult to write my paper for feminist class that I haven't really done much for the entire semester anyway. Poop.

Picture for the day:

Obviously it's not from today, it's from a Wildwood Bounce back I went to in Dec. but this ranch has shaped me so much that I feel it's appropriate.

P.S. If you're reading this (and probably unfortunately being in my head along with me) please find time for us to hang out. I'm feeling disconnected from people.