As the title states, tonight I'm really struggling with doubt and trust. Earlier this semester I really felt that God was calling me to work at Rawhide Ranch in WI and eventually God led my heart to love this idea and today I officially submitted my resume. Once I hit submit and got the confirmation email from them it's just been downhill. I realized that if I don't get this job, I either chose to not go towards my dream career and stay in WI or I leave WI again to find a job elsewhere because Rawhide is the only program in WI that has this specific type of belief system. I know in my head that I should feel confident in my skills and experiences and that I am being obedient and no matter what happens God will provide and take care of me, but right now I feel like an emotional wreck and tonight my heart is taking over.
I think what is most unsettling to me with this is that while I was thinking about the future and becoming comfortable with the idea of moving back, I was in control of all of that. But now that I've sent the resume, as of right now I've done all that I can- it's no longer in my hands.
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